Hawaii

HAWAII!!!

Okay, so we had a blast in Hawaii. I cannot get over how gorgeous it is there! Brian has decided we need to move there, so who knows, you might get a call from me one day saying we are off to Hawaii, which would be fine with me! We went to Pearl Harbor, which was amazing. I learned so much about that day, or maybe I just didn't pay attention in history class, but either way, it was so interesting.

The Waimea Falls were indescribable. But, I do have to say, that swim from the side to the falls is a lot longer than it looks. Shellie, Brian and I were the only ones who swam, and Shell, gotta give you credit, you are a much better swimmer than me!! It was such a refreshing swim, and was so worth it to go and sit under the falls, what an experience! And the botanical gardens there, WOW!!! And yes, if you haven't seen on Shellie's blog, she tried to play Jane of the Jungle and it didn't quite work out. Pretty funny!

The sea turtles, now that was amazing! Brian and I actually spotted one outside the condo, but couldn't get close enough to take a picture. Later that day, we all went to Laniakea Beach which is a favorite spot for sea turtles, and we saw quite a few. I'm posting the video I got of one of them, and a picture in the slide show. They would get so close to you, I almost touched one, but then it swam off, which was probably a good thing since we found out it is a federal offense to touch the turtles. Oops, my bad!

Well, the waves on the North Shore are absolutely crazy!!! They knock you down so hard! In the video I'm posting you will see Brian and I go completely under, my leg flips up, and then we finally come back up, and I'm holding my jaw. Somehow Brian hit me in the face when the wave crashed into us. It was so much fun though, we all had fun doing this, even Mom & Dad tried it out. The waves would push you 20-30 feet up the shore than pull you back in, it was crazy! The water is so crystal clear that you can see forever. We literally spent about 4 hours one day at the beach playing in the waves, it was too much fun.

The Polynesian Cultural Center was a lot of fun. They take you on a little tour on the canoes, then there is a canoe race (think parade floats on water) that represent each of the different Islands. The luau was great, the food was ummm....different, they have purple sweet potatoes, very interesting...not so good. The rolls were good though! They had a show going the whole time we were eating. The show they put on at night rocked! There was a bunch of dances, and the Samoan fire guy was crazy! He caught this stick that was on fire from like 100 feet, craziness.

And most of us tried snorkeling. We went to Sharks Cove (no sharks, thank goodness), and wow, if anyone ever gets the experience to snorkel, you need to go. It is an amazing experience! We literally saw about 90% of the fish that are on "Finding Nemo". Didn't see Nemo, or Dorey, I don't think, but there were so many fish, and they would swim like 2 inches from your face! After snorkeling we went to Sunset Beach, and I can see why it is called this, it was an amazing sunset. We played in the waves some more before we finally came back to the condo to crash.

This was an amazing vacation. Being in such a beautiful place, and being surrounded by everyone I love so much made for a great time, I am truly blessed. I wish the rest of the family could have joined in all the fun. I myself cannot wait to go back. Enjoy the pictures (this is only about 5% of the pictures just Brian and I took), but enjoy!

Ever have one of those days?

Okay, so do you ever have one of those days that are just indescribable? In a GOOD way, not a bad way. A day that everything just seems right? I don't know, but today has just been one of those days for me. I've been happy and smiling. Every time I turn on the radio, a song I love is on, one that holds a great memory or has helped me through a lot in my life. The sun is shining outside, it's not too hot. I don't know, I guess today is just one of those days that I am so thankful to be alive. Thankful for the sweet guy I'm dating, for my best friend, for the friends I have at work, for my family, and yes, even for my job. Today is one of those days, summed up, where God's letting me know that everything is going to be okay, that my life is going in the right direction. Just felt like sharing that...love you all!

Quick Little Update

Me rockin the backward baseball hat. Cute, huh??

Brian and I after we were done swimming

View from Brian's parents house. One of the many reasons I love Arizona

Another gorgeous Arizona Sunset

Well for those who haven't heard, the divorce is final as of August 26th. I am now legally a Downs again! Feels great! Everything has still been going really, really good for me. I've been working, going to the gym, hanging out at the pool and with some friends, nothing major going on. Still haven't touched any hard alcohol, so over 3 months now! Please comment so I know you've checked out my page! I feel like no one ever looks at it!

Heading for a Better Life

I've dealt with my ghosts, And faced all my demons-Finally content with the past I regret. I found you find strength in your moments of weakness-For once I'm at peace with my self. I've been burdened with blame, Trapped in the past for too long. I'm movin on.
I've lived in this place, and I know all the faces. Each one is different, but they're always the same. They mean me no harm, but it's time that I face it, they'll never allow me to change. But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong. I'm movin on.
I'm moving on, at last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me. And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone. There comes a time, in everyone’s life, when all you can see are the years passing by, and I have made up my mind that those days are gone.........

Those are the lyrics to probably my favorite song by Rascal Flatts, I had never really listened to the words to that song until a couple months ago and realized how much that fit into what I was going through. The song is so true to me, the part about the time when you realize that your life is passing you by. I’m 28 years old, and not much further along than I was when I was 18, well it’s all changing now, and changing for the better. I am moving on, moving onto a better life. A life that I know I deserve to have.

Today is the 2 month anniversary of me finally beginning to find myself. 2 months with no hard alcohol and only a handful of beers. After 8 years, I’ve finally started to get the alcohol under control. It’s been 10 years of partying, messed up relationships, for me to finally start getting my life together. So many times I had thought I was in control of my life, but I never was. I thought I was because I covered up with drugs, alcohol, whatever I could to numb myself out and not face reality. Guess what? Reality isn’t all too bad, I rather enjoy the fact that I wake up with a clear head and am happy for the right reasons, because I’m happy with myself, not because I’m buzzed. I have never felt so good. I have found a new happiness, a new enjoyment out of life. I realized that it is no one’s fault but my own for me not being happy. I was the only person making the choices I made, and I take responsibility for that. I know now that I am in charge of my own happiness, and I have made the decision that I am going to be happy, no matter what it takes, because it is up to me and me alone.

I appreciate everything and everyone that I have in my life. Because during the last 2 months, I have found out who my real friends are, the ones who are going to be there for me no matter what. It’s funny how you go through life thinking all these people are your friends, but when push comes to shove, they aren’t there for you, and the hard realization is they don’t really give a damn about you. Sounds cruel, sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. Your real friends will be there for you, not looking for an explanation on what you are doing with your life, won’t ask questions, will just look at you, see that you are happy with the decisions you have made and be there for you. I don’t regret any of the friendships I may have lost, but I will definitely be a little more cautious in the future, not open my heart to so many people. But I also realize, a lot of these friends were people I partied with, and well, when you quit all that, you don’t really have a lot in common, these weren’t people that hung out with me unless I was getting messed up. It’s a sad realization, but a true one. Luckily I do have my family and my few close friends who have stuck by me through all of the hard times, been there for me no matter what, and will always continue to be there for me. I thank God everyday now for my family and friends, without them, it would have been hard making it through all of this.

It’s been hard looking at all of that, but I know I am so much stronger now than I have ever been in my life. I made a lot of decisions to change my life, and I am doing it. I am sticking to the choices I have made. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been so worth it. I have never been so happy in my entire life. Just to feel again, whether it’s anger, happiness, scared, anything, and know they are TRUE feelings, not the result of whatever I may have consumed or put into my body, it feels good. I love the feeling of finding out who I am, it is a journey I am just beginning, but it is exciting. To do what I want to do for me, to be who I want to be, for me and me alone. To stop trying to impress everyone around me, and to stop caring what the hell people think of me, because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, only God and myself. I am the only one who is going to have to live with the choices I make. It’s no one’s life but my own, and for too many years I have lived my life for everyone else and not for me. It’s a great feeling to take control of your life, why it took me this long, I don’t know, but God has a plan for all of that, and now is the time for me to do this. I guess I just had to go through a few more trials in my life before I was ready to make the change. I am a better person because of everything I have gone through. I think that the more trials/experiences you have in life, give you the opportunity to view life in a different way. I am thankful for everything I have gone through, the good times and the bad times, because all of that helped me get to the point I am at in my life. It’s funny how you can look back on everything and realize that one choice you made changed your life. Even if it was a bad decision, if you wouldn’t have done it, you might not be where you are today. I have looked back on so many decisions I made, and no, they weren’t always the best one, but at least I can see that now, and learn from those choices. I think life is a learning experience, you should have to deal with the bad times, or you won’t truly be able to enjoy the good times.

The most important thing that I have realized through all of this, is that I’m not alone, God has been there for me every step of the way. He has seen me struggling through the last 10 years of my life, I was the one who shut him out, thinking that I could handle it all. Well, I’ve realized that we aren’t supposed to handle all of these burdens, or are we expected to. God will be there for us no matter what. Whenever I have faltered the last couple months with my faith, something unexplainable happens. It has been a song on the radio that I’ve really needed to hear, a family member or friend saying reaching out to say hi is there anything I can do to help. I truly appreciate everything I have gone through in the last couple months. I am so happy that I am finally realizing who I am, and what potential I have, and appreciating the life I have been given. Thank you to all of my family and friends that have been there for me through all of this. I love you all so much!!!


P.S. If anyone is interested in any of the songs that have helped me though all of this, here they are: Rascal Flatts – Moving On, Feels Like Today; Ashton Shepherd – Taking off this Pain; Incubus – Warning; JoDee Messina – Bring on the Rain; Sugarland – Settlin; Carrie Underwood – Wasted, Jesus Take the Wheel, So Small; Trik Turner – Friends & Family.
All these songs are so good. I’ve really gotten into listening to a lot more music lately, I don’t think the artists realize how much the lyrics to their songs can really move someone.
Okay, sorry, that was really long, but much needed! Definitely had to get that out!! Hope everyone has a great day=)

More gorgeous scenery in AZ

On Sunday, Brian surprised me and took me up to Fish Creek which is only about 30 minutes away from my house. I am constantly amazed at all the beauty that is so near by. Here are some of the pictures we took. A lot of the scenery was absolutely breathtaking!!

I believe this is a yucca plant, not 100% sure. It just growing kind of by itself with the blue sky in the background was too pretty to pass up.

You have to take at least one driving picture=)

This was the view down from the road. We drove about 5-10 miles back on a dirt road to get to Fish Creek (which wasn't really a creek by the way)

The view from inside the cave we hiked up to.

Outside the cave

These two pictures definitely made me feel very small.

This huge boulder was in the middle of the "creek".

Okay, so there was a little bit of water up at the top of the creek. I think it just dries out during the summertime. There was actually fish up at this spot about 4 inches long in these little ponds, crazy!

Some pics there are no words to describe. You truly can see God's glory in nature.

I couldn't believe this, this is a COMPLETELY ORANGE dragonfly!! Body, wings, everything-I have never seen anything like it.

We finished off the day with ice cream at the Ghost Town. Whoever comes to visit me next, I will be taking you all to these spots.

So that was my weekend. I love being able to get out into nature and to see all of God's many creations. I love being able to go out and see all of these things. There are so many places to go and explore down here, and I can't wait to see more of them.

Weekend in Show Low

Last Saturday, I went up to Show Low with Brian and his parents to visit some friends and for a pig roast (no I did not eat any, hopefully no one is thinking that!!!) Anyways, it was nice to get out of the heat for a little bit, even though it did rain almost all day on Saturday and I froze to death! But it was a lot of fun.
Don't get too used to me posting this much, cuz I probably won't do it all the time, just trying to get everyone caught up on stuff going on in my life=)

FAMILY AND FRIENDS...THE REASON I AM WHERE I AM TODAY

Cause every moment counts from the good times to the bad, I don't have time to envy those that got things I've never had. Cause the one thing most important is the one we take for granted, And until your life is on that line I think it's the way God had planned it... To open up your eyes and make you realize, That to some life is money, but what's money without life? Cause all's I need is the air that I breathe and my friends and family to believe in me......(Trik Turner/Friends and Family)

If it weren't for the support and love of my family and friends, I would not be able to be making it through all of this right now. I love you all and am so thankful that God has put you in my life. Thank you for loving me for who I am and supporting me through out my life.

Yep, I am still alive, and doing better than I ever have!

More Comments and Myspace Layouts at pYzam.com

Welcome to my new blog!!! So a lot has gone on for me the last few months. For those of you who I haven't talked to in awhile, here is the short version of the last couple months. First off, Bobby and I are no longer together. The divorce should be final in a couple of months. It's a long story, but bottom line is I wasn't happy with the way things were going, wasn't happy with my life and knew it was time to change. There are a lot of things in my life that I hadn't ever dealt with, and it was time for me to stop covering up everything and ignoring the major problems in my life. With all of this, I have realized how strong of a person I am, and I truly am happier than I have been in a long, long time, and the most important thing is, I am sober, not drinking every day. I am looking at life in a whole different way, and loving what I see.

The next major event that has happened was I had to have surgery to take out 75% of my left ovary. I had a cyst inside the ovary that was hemoragging and kept getting bigger. They also found a lot of endemetriosis all through out my pelvis, on the lining for my bladder, on my pelvic wall, everywhere. There was one mass they were not able to take care of because it is on the ligament that supports the uterus, so if the pain continues, I may have to go in for surgery at the Mayo Clinic where the surgery would be performed by a robot. Hopefully the pain will subside, and I will be okay. I have recovered pretty well, mostly thanks to my mom, dad, and Melissa who came down to help me out for a week. With everything else going on, I don't know that I could have recovered as well as I did.

I am going to try to post a little bit more often now, and will be posting some pictures of my friends and I soon. First I guess I better take some pictures! I have been blessed with some wonderful friends down here who have really been here for me and have helped me out so much emotionally, since my family can't be here with me now.

But I am okay, no worries here! Like I said, I'm doing better than I have in such a long, long time. I am smiling, I am happy, life is good!

I'm going to close this post with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs by the band Incubus:

"WARNING"

Bat your eyes girl. Be otherworldly. Count your blessings. Seduce a stranger. What's so wrong with being happy? Kudos to those who see through sickness...yeah Over and over and over and over........... She woke in the morning. She knew that her life had passed her by She called out a warning. Don't ever let life pass you by. I suggest we Learn to love ourselves, Before its made illegal When will we learn, When will we change Just in time to see it all come down Those left standing will make millions Writing books on ways it should have been She woke in the morning. She knew that her life had passed her by She called out a warning. Don't ever let life pass you by. Floating in this cosmic Jacuzzi We are like frogs oblivious Soon the water starting to boil, Now I flinched and we all float face down She woke in the morning. She knew that her life had passed her by She called out a warning. Don't ever let life pass you by. Pass you by.